Change and disruption are well on their way. I know it is coming and I am on the edge of my seat with excitement wanting it to hurry up and get here already. But I am also hesitant and reluctant for change. Things here are passable and quite often enjoyable even if they are stagnant. But what if the change that is coming means everything gets fucked up and goes to shit and it never goes back to being good again. That awful little voice in my head that doubts that my expectations will be anything like reality gets in the way and those little seeds of doubt bloom into big ugly fucking panic attacks. I am wracked with nerves and anxiety. I am worried about the homesickness that hasn't even happened yet. I am petrified about the friends I might never meet.
While I long for the vigour that changes bring and panic about the felicities I am letting go of I have to remember that the world in not just one line, it is not a long corridor of locked and unlocked doors. She is an evolving immortal circle, a sagacious ouroboros. For every happiness I will be letting go of, another one will find me. While I wait for it though it doesnt hurt to create your own happiness in the everyday.
So i am seeking comfort wherever I can find it. Sleeping in on weekends in my bed, a purring fur baby crooked under one arm. Sundays spent with my sister foraging at markets and watching dada esque cartoons. Being elbows deep in flour and butter and sugar making pasta, pastry and dough. Cooking, tasting crocheting and cultivating all sorts of familiar magicks. Like baking cookies.
A warm cookie straight from the oven where the chocolate is melty is perhaps the epitome of comfort. I bake for my sister more than anyone else. When I ask what she wants the response it usually "cookies". Her favourites are the ones with peanut butter and chocolate chips.I Personally really hate seeing nuts in a cookie. Especially macadamias. Mostly because it looks like a sizeable chunk of white chocolate but when you bite into it it is nothing but lies and disappointment. But peanut butter in a cookie is different. It adds something more.
We were low on just about everything the day I baked these. We had chocolate but only white chocolate. We had a little butter and a few tablespoons of peanut butter. We had plenty of flour because let's face it I have more types of flour in my pantry than I have friends but not much of anything else. Certainly no vanilla or cinnamon to work into the mix. The neighbours Rosemary bush that grows across out washing line was in bloom with pretty little purple flours so i decided that would be an adequate substitute.
WHITE CHOCOLATE & ROSEMARY COOKIES
- 4 Tbsp butter
- three rosemary sprigs, bruised
- 30 grams softened butter
- 60 grams crunchy peanut butter
- 1/2 White Sugar
- 1 cup Brown Sugar (packed)
- 2 Eggs
- 2 & 1/2 Cups Plain flour
- 1/2tsp Baking Soda
- decent crack of sea salt
- Block of white chocolate cut into chunks.
1. Preheat the oven to 160 degrees Celsius.
2. Melt 4 tbsp of butter in a small saucepan over medium-low heat. Once melted, add rosemary, and continue to stir until butter bubbles and crackles, then turns a rich medium brown. You can let it go darker for a nuttier richer browned butter flavour just don't let it burn. Set aside and let cool.
3. Cream the 30 grams of soft butter and peanut butter together in a seperate bowl.
4. Strain the browned butter over the peanut butter mix, to remove the rosemary sprigs. Discard the sprigs. Add the sugars and beat until the mixture is light and fluffy.
5. Add the first egg beating well to incorporate. Repeat with second egg.
6. Add dry ingredients and chocolate and mix to combine.
7. Roll into balls and pop them on a lined baking tray about 3 cm apart. Place tray I the refrigerator for 20 mins for the dough to firm.
8. Cook in oven for 15 minutes or until golden brown.